Happy Birthday Ham...

I was reminded tonight why I hate going to parties. They remind me of how insignificant I am. I easily get lost in a crowd of friends. Not my friends. And tonight I got lost in a crowd of 15. Everyone else seemed to connect with at least one other person there. And tonight I should have connected too, right? Afterall, Ham is one of my best friends.

I sat with the birthday boy and a few other prominent players in the music scene almost the whole time I was there. But I was alone. We might as well have been in different rooms. The conversation was about music, bands, corporate life, and the deficiency of others. I was listening, but I wasn't part of it. I connected with his girlfriend, Ding and her friend more than anyone else tonight. Ding tried convincing me to watch some TV, some cartoons, cuz she said I looked so bored. I was, but why would I want to watch TV during my best friend's party? It goes against my principles. Watch TV alone in a party? What a loser. The same level of loser-ness as sitting on a table alone, a nobody.

I left just after midnight. I was polite. I sang the song, I ate the cake, I wished him well.

I walked to my car alone in the dark, leaving behind one of my best friends... my heart broken.